Phoney Phone Calls

When I was a kid I loved to make phoney phone calls. That was back before Caller ID. Man, the kids today are missing out:

Phone: Ring-y ding-y do
Me: "Hello, is your 'fridgerator running?"
Victim: "It is."
Me: "You better go catch it."
Phone: Click
Me: "Tee hee."


Phone: Ring-y ding-y do
Me: "Is there a John in the house?"
Victim: "No."
Me: "Where the heck do you go to the bathroom!"
Phone: Click
Me: "Tee hee."

Back in my day when the boob tube was trying to schlep you some plastic crap that slices, dices and gets rid of your warts they would say "Operators are on duty." Now this would make every little kid giggle. Now in my youth you when you dialed "0" you would actually get the switchboard operator. So one day I decide to be funny. 7 years old and feeling the brazenness a full grown man gets after 10 scotches, I pick up the phone at 32 Maple Avenue, Larchmont, NY 10538. I stick my finger in the rotary dial hole for "O" OPER. I spin the roulette of communication and the phone chirps away, "Ring-y ding-y do. Ring-y ding-y da. Ring-y ding-y dum."

OPER: "Ah-puhr-rater."
Me: "Are you on doodie?"
Phone: Click
Me: "Tee hee."

Several minutes later the phone rings.

Me: "Hello?"
OPER: "Are your parents home?"
Me: "Uh, no." (Big fat lie)
OPER: "You bett-uh nev-uh cawl me uh-gain unless it's bona-fyde uh-murh-juncy!!!"
Me: (Shaking) "Uh, okay."
Phone: Click
OPER: "Tee hee."

Needless to say I never called the operator again. Several weeks later the "As seen on TV" ads egan the new phrase, "Operators are standing by." Maybe some brave soul called and asked the operator if their feet were sore from standing all the time. Though, not as funny as "doodie".

Tee hee.

Peace out,
Darryl